Good children grow up to be secure, respectful, diligent, responsible, dependable, etc. What does it take to have good kids? Most people think it’s just a matter of luck—they’re wrong! It all depends on the marriage of their parents.
According to the Bible, submission is a gift a wife gives her husband and children. To submit is to accept a husband’s God-given authority. The biblical wife submits as an act of obedience to the Lord; it is never under compulsion. “Equality” marriage is contrary to Scripture.
For 32 years, Theresa was my “equality” wife. We had a terrible marriage. In April of 2002, she became a biblical wife. Theresa said, “We’ve wasted so much time.” I replied, “With the Lord, it’s how things end that counts.” We suddenly had a heavenly marriage.
But our daughter, Deborah still had problems. I blame her struggles on our unbiblical marriage that continued until she was 28—we argued incessantly! I don’t think Theresa ever made the connection, and I didn’t tell her.
Seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children. (Hosea 4:6b, emphasis added)
It was Alzheimer’s that took Theresa’s life, but she always knew me. She would tell me I’m wonderful, and say, “I love you so much”—right until the end! Of all things, she was grateful, and I have to believe that “Because she had been forgiven much, she loved much.” (O! That each of us would realize how much we’ve been forgiven!)
If you want to know whether a marriage is biblical, just look at the kids. Let me give some examples. (You don’t have to be a Believer to have a biblical marriage.)
- My next-door neighbor declares himself to be an agnostic, but he has a biblical marriage. It’s clear to me that he’s the leader, and his wife is the follower. But there is a more telling sign that they have a biblical marriage. They have good kids.
- From our church, Kevin S. has a biblical marriage—I have inside information! They also have good kids.
- What about the Russell M. couple? They must have a good marriage because they have good kids.
- P. J. and his wife have a biblical marriage. I marvel at the love I see between their two children.
- Our pastor has a biblical marriage and—you guessed it—they have good kids.
It pretty much depends on the wife. Even if her husband is a rascal, if she’ll submit, they can have a biblical marriage and good kids.
According to God’s design, children need to know:
- There’s a man in the house.
- He’s clearly in charge.
- He loves their mother.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:24-25)
God’s command to the wife is given first, and for good reason. In my book, Two Loves, I talk about Commitment Love and Endearment Love. So how does a good husband get from Commitment Love to Endearment Love?
Now for a quotation from the Submissive Wives website: “Sex with a submissive wife is pretty awesome.”
Few women understand the magic that happens during that marital encounter; but every husband has an “endearment bank account.” By the simple act of submission, a wife earns a credit. That is especially true in bed.
Let’s Face It
Men and women are different—that’s reality! But the Western World has been in denial for over 100 years. That’s why:
- “Equality” marriage doesn’t work.
- Divorce is rampant.
- Our children are messed up.
For 32 years, all I could offer Theresa was Commitment Love. Once she surrendered and became a submissive wife, the Endearment Love set in. Theresa is now with the Lord, so my Commitment Love is history. But my Endearment Love will last forever.
We read in 1 Corinthians 11:11-12, it is “by the woman”—she has the power! When a wife surrenders, that puts her husband in charge. It also enables her husband to love his wife in an endearing way—that is what children need to see!
Children learn best by example. Here’s how it works: A submissive wife respects the authority of her husband. The children will learn, from her example, to respect the authority of their mother. They will also respect their teachers and law enforcement. Finally, they will respect the authority of God.
The Lord inspired Ephesians 5:24-25. Isn’t God smart? Unfortunately, multitudes of Christians think they know better than God. When we forget the law of our God, and then try to rescue the kids, we’re just treating the symptoms.
When Deborah was born: Monday, January 28, 1974, 2:59am, Women’s Hospital, Detroit, MI (5# 7oz) people said they had never before seen such an excited father. She’s still my pride and joy. And P.S. Deborah is a submissive wife. I’m so proud of her.
When it comes to marital roles and good kids, one’s faith or lack of faith doesn’t seem to make much difference. In my paper and in this letter, I refer to my agnostic neighbor; he has a good marriage and good children. There’s no substitute for male headship.
In Jesus’ Love,
P.S. This was not meant to be exhaustive. If you want more, read my 30-page article, “The Gospel Truth” which can be accessed from the top menu bar.